tools of the trade

A behind the scenes look at my work desk today ... so many gadgets to keep me on track. As the business becomes more established I am becoming increasing dependent on all of these. However when it comes to strategic thinking and planning, I am still an old fashioned girl that prefers to do that kind of work with pen and paper - preferably large sheets of butchers paper and plenty of coloured markers. I also prefer to do that kind of work while sitting on the floor. Don't ask me why? Maybe its the sense of space that helps me to think outside the box while puzzling over possible products, services and pricing. Sometimes I wonder if all the gadgets and what they can do is just adding unnecessary complexity into what I actually want to achieve in the business.

Today was working in the business day, catching up on edits from this week's shoots. but it felt like a treat being in the office, systematically working through what needed to be done, after a full week being on customer sites. I have a scheduled "working on the business" day, in a few days time and I will then move from the computer screen and desk and plonk myself on the floor.

One of the traps of freelancing is that your time is always available to customers, and there is a temptation to drop everything to respond to a client's request or to secure that next assignment. When you fall into this trap, things have a way of snowballing and before long you have spent no time on the business or given yourself personal time to simply enjoy life. In order to balance working on and working in the business as well as having personal time, I have found it critical to become quite disciplined around scheduling dedicated time to these activities and sticking to it. Still suffering from workaholic tendencies it is way to easy for me to forego personal time for the sake of the business or a client. I still have a long way to go to set up and automate as much as possible the operations of the business, but as I continue to strive to live now being well, my motivation to use the tools of the trade smarter and more effectively is definitely increasing.

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Flying Solo Tip 022365 : To fly solo, mastering the art of scheduling cannot be underestimated.

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...shaken upside down ...

At the beginning of this year, I was at the brink of an emotional, physical and mental breakdown, so to was my relationships and the business. Everything in my life was shaken - turned upside down. In many respects it feels like a lifetime ago. A lot of difficult decisions were made, and a lot of very stressful situations were worked through. A lot has come to pass, and I have done much inner work both solo, with the support of others, and with others. Today I received a phone call from the psychologist that I consulted during my most vulnerable time. She was simply checking in but it was also an opportunity for me just take stock of how different I feel emotionally, physically and mentally today.

One of my go-to books is Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. This book has adorned my bookshelf for almost 20 years. Every time I read it, I gain new insights, guidance and deeper wisdom. Due to life experiences (some more traumatic than others) I enter the pages each time with a different level of appreciation. There have also been times, when I couldn't even bear to open the book, for I knew what lay inside the covers. These were times when I was so far from being connected with myself, that reading a sentence from the book would stir up so much sorrow and frustration that I had allowed myself to get so lost.

The book eloquently describes how women lose sense of themselves and through the use of myths and stories offers guidance on how to reclaim personal power and intuitive wisdom. To follow a path of transformation "we must unlock or pry ourselves open and other matters open to see what is inside ... when the soulful life is being threatened, it is not only acceptable to draw the line and mean it, it is required." It is easy to recognise when we have strayed too far and stayed for too long in a place where we are relinquishing our personal power, starving our creativity, and ignoring our instinctual natures.

It is those times in our lives when we intend to take action but are living just for the next week, or when summer comes, or when we get out life sorted, then .... . Yet for a tortuous time, we continue to drag ourselves through our day-to-day routines feeling guilty. "Yes, yes, I know. I should but ...." "The buts are the dead giveaways that we have stayed too long" and it is time to return home to ourselves. To return to oneself there is a need for intentional solitude which can be as simple as tuning out distractions. It does not have to be as dramatic as turning our entire lives upside down, although sometimes this is completely necessary. A new perspective emerges when everything is upside down.

More recently as days pass, I am enjoying regular returns home. I have lived large portions of my life where I have not allowed myself to go home to myself, when I needed to, and have overstayed in places where I have allowed my spirit to be crushed and ended up living in a depleted state. In this madness it was sheer dogged determination and willpower that kept me going, putting one foot in front of the other, to prove that I had value and a legitimate right to be here. All the time consuming even more energy with no reward. These days, when I return home, I am tending to the fire, finding my voice, spreading my wings and finding my feet. I find that I am motivated less by the question of legitimacy and having to prove my right to existence. Today I am far more interested in

"the most important question

in order to see into and behind,

to weigh the value that all that lives ...

Where is the soul?" (2)

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Flying Solo Tip 021365 : For a different perspective and fresh insight, turn upside down.

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(1) and (2) excerpts from Women who run with wolves.

... creating time ...

With such a full shooting schedule this week, there have been moments where I have wondered ... how will I find the time. Time is such an elusive concept ... our perception of time can be fluid - somethings seem to take forever, others seem like just yesterday although decades may have past. We can find ourselves in situations where we are grappling with time ... if only I had the time. How often do we say this to ourselves. Time becomes our enemy. We watch the minutes tick over, the hours slip by, the months and years disappear and anxiety can creep in ... the feeling that we are running out of time.

When soaking in the bath last night, time passed with deep contentment. I call this kind of bath an "embryotic bath" - it is like going back in time, into the womb. For full effect, you need to let your ears sink below the surface of the water. Suddenly you can hear your heart beating, you can feel the blood running through your veins, your stomach may gurgle. As you allow yourself gently into a place outside of time, you realise that you are tending to the fire, you are stoking the flame of life and drawing into yourself the energy reserves to once again face the world. In this space, you are allowing yourself to heal, now, being well.

This morning I was extremely reluctant to crawl out of the blankets at 5am to get ready for today's full day photoshoot. Instead of getting up, I nestled in deeper for a little more rest. By the time I was in the car, I knew I was pushing it to be at my appointment on time, the heavy rain and atrocious traffic were only compounding the issue. Naturally, I could feel stress and anxiety start to bubble up. My thinking become critical. It can be very easy to slip back into a negative pattern of thinking, to start putting ourselves down, the should haves start springing at us with vengeance. Why am I sabotaging myself today of all days? A day that is going to be physically tough, why am I wanting to make it even more difficult? Why am I investing emotional energy into the stress I am feeling. TIME TO PUSH THE PAUSE BUTTON.

I am going to share with you something I discovered a couple of years ago when I was finding ways to help myself out of a stint of chronic depression. When my stress levels would start to ratchet up the stress-odometer when time was critical and I felt I was running out of time. I would take a deep breath. I would acknowledge my stress, (I am stressed) and then would say very consciously in my mind ... I CAN create time inside of time, I CAN create time inside of time. With absolute certainty, I would run this sentence over and over through my mind. If the thoughts of "I should have", or "if only" or "why didn't I ..." came to mind, I would purposely stop them mid sentence and say I CAN create time inside of time. Something quite magical happens somewhere along this process. Your stress about time evaporates. Suddenly, the brain has something that it can actively work on rather than rehashing things that have already passed. In the moment, it will find ways for you to create time inside of time.

This is what I did this morning, with an absolute certainty. I CAN create time inside of time. Only minutes after renegotiating my perception of my situation, I received a phone call from my client. She had just realised that she had left her laptop at home and would have to go an get it. She would be running at least 30 minutes late for our scheduled start time.

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Flying Solo Tip 020365 : Learn how to create time inside of time.

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