creating space, holding space, clearing space, filling space

Flying solo and loneliness are two very different concepts. There are some of us who are surrounded by people and yet can feel incredibly lonely. There are some of us who can be alone yet feel deeply connected to the world around us. Flying solo in business definitely does not exclude collaboration, negotiation or delegating activities to others.

Today was an all day photoshoot at the Dragon Papillon Photography studio, with a complete production team in full swing to create a series of images for a new business with a new business concept. It was a day filled with the constant ebb and flow of creating space, holding space, clearing space and filling space - a reflection of how energy flows in the broader context of life, a fluid negotiation of setting, flexing and relinquishing boundaries in order to create a mutually acceptable result for all parties.

While flying solo you become adept at tapping into your own resources and fully cognisant of your limitations. A sense of responsibility for and control over your personal territory strengthens. There is a fine line between exercising these drivers in a context of inclusion, inviting others to enter and be in our space; and becoming dogmatically single-minded, inadvertently excluding others and setting up rigid boundaries. Exhibiting strong characteristics of personal responsibility and exercising self control can be easily misunderstood by those around us. We may appear to have it all together and do not need support. We may be envied for our perceived "freedom to do whatever we want, whenever we want". Our confident actions may be misconstrued as an uncompromising "my way or the highway" approach to life.

It is true that when flying solo we can fall into the trap of believing and acting out the myths of independence. However, in the famous words of the poet John Donne, "no man is an island". No matter how much we exercise our capacity for independent thought and decision making, to find satisfaction in living a life, flying solo we must appreciate our eternal dependence on others; and universal connection with all things. Our freedom flows from connection with others and respect for the spaces of others to exercise their personal power; and in doing so we have to mould ourselves to the flow while maintaining a clear sense of our personal power and individuality. If you truly believe in creating your own space to nurture your own essence, then you have to actively work on identifying with others and clearing space so they too can fly solo. To do so it is necessary to face each moment with an open and flexible mind; and to each moment with generosity, compassion, beneficial action and empathy.

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Flying Solo Tip 016365 : It is essential that the space you create to fly solo is constantly, intimately and intrinsically shared with others.

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staying on top of things with a F**d up feeling

Alongside of dealing with the deeply personal challenges of a difficult relationship breakup, I have been trying to maintain a functioning business. In the last couple of months, business has flourished. For the first time next week, I have solid back to back bookings and that does feel good. I should feel on top of the world. The effort I have put into the business up until now is starting to pay dividends.

Knowing that it will be crucial for me to stay on top of things for next week, today was supposed to be about getting myself organised and then getting some rest to be ready for the coming week with energy in reserve. I wish today panned out that way, but instead there were gremlins wherever I turned. Perhaps it is all those people chasing pokemons that are stirring up trouble in the world of gremlins.

We all stuff up. This week I have done it a few too many times in all areas of my life. The ripple effects of last weekend's fire had spilled over into the business without me being aware until tonight. Early last week I acquired a new customer with a great job. Dates for the photoshoot were agreed, but then at the end of last week they needed to change the date. Not a problem. This happens all the time when you freelance. You quickly learn to be flexible enough to go with the flow. Tonight, on top of what had been a day of obstacles and upsets, I discovered that the fire had completely burned out all memory of that conversation and the subsequent changes. This week, emotionally drained but determined to continue to draw positives into my life, I acquired another new client with potential ongoing work. I booked them in, excited that business was looking up.

In trying to resolve system glitches with my computer, online calendar and google email services, I discovered the disaster of a double booking. My heart sank and anxiety crept in. I would have been blissfully unaware of the problem probably until Tuesday morning, except for the fact that the calendar invite I had sent to the more recent client screwed up both the date and the time. Thankfully the customer had written back to me questioning the booking. At the end of the day, clients don't want to know about your personal issues, or problems with other clients, or issues you are having with your business systems. Out of hours phone calls are not pleasant ones to make, and it not the time to make excuses. The best you can do is fess up, apologise, have a solution on hand, be committed to deliver that solution and hope that they will continue to want to do business with you. I am annoyed with myself but then had to remind myself of Drago's top three flying solo tips "gather your courage, breathe, everything is as it needs to be".

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Flying Solo Tip 015365 : We all F up. Don't make excuses, learn from it, then get on with it.

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- beyond sanity and madness -

Many years ago I started to write a book to describe my experiences living with Multiple Sclerosis. At the time I felt ready to write the book because I was feeling I had finally reached that point in life where I had endured enough hardships and was prepared to set myself up for a brighter, less turbulent future. Writing this tonight almost makes me laugh at how arrogant I was to assume that "my work was done" .

The book's title is "Madness inside of Sanity - My Shadow MS". I never finished the book, perhaps it is a project I will pick up again one day. At least with this blog, I am getting plenty of regular writing practice. Last year, I happened across this book in a secondhand book store - naturally it was the title that stood out at first "Beyond Sanity and Madness - The Way of Zen Master Dogon". I have not read the book in its entirety but occasionally flick through reading and digesting random passages.

After my writing attempt last last night, I am not surprised that I was drawn to pick out this book from my shelf tonight. It is cold outside, so to curl up inside a blanket with a hot water bottle, hot cup of tea and an interesting book is for me pampering at its best. Here are a couple of passages that spoke to me today : "... you learn to listen, not just with your ears but with your whole body and mind. Then during extended periods of sitting, things begin to settle and are slowly digested. This opens the mind to allow more teaching to enter. It is a kind of osmosis ..." and then " ... of course pain can never be avoided, but it does not necessarily have to turn to suffering. In fact, being at one with your pain leads to the end of all suffering ... It is only though experiencing your own pain that you can clarify the Way and identify with the suffering of all sentient beings. If you hold back and resist, true wisdom and compassion cannot arise ...".

Well it's time to put my nose back in the pages with the promise of gently falling into a deep, undisturbed sleep.

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Flying Solo Tip 014365 : Sanity and madness are arbitrary terms; by appreciating our own fluid nature, we can compassionately identify with others.

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