the rain song

... and today it came down in bucket loads with all the cats and dogs.

In pop music rain is often attributed to sadness and depression and loss. Rain is likened to tears from heaven. On the top of my head with all those splashing rain drops, I can only think of one positive song about rain - "Singing in the Rain".

Yet the sound of rain on the roof can be so relaxing. It makes you want to snuggle up in bed and read a book while drinking hot chocolate.

I love the smell of rain on freshly cut grass.

I love to watch the rain fall.

It is said that dreaming about rain is a powerful symbol of renewal and spiritual cleansing. Rain, by virtue of its ‘heavenly’ origins, symbolises divine blessing and revelation. It brings about creativity and growth.

In the lyrical words of Led Zeppelin: "These are the seasons of emotion and like the wind they rise and fall ... This is the mystery of the quotient ... Upon us all, a little rain must fall."

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Flying Solo Tip 055365 : Rainy days can be cleansing days.

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stand in your magic

One of the treasured and creative management books on my book shelf is titled "The Way of Nowhere". I wish this book had been published when I was still in corporate life as I think it would have been a wonderful resource to use in building organisational systems and cultures to creatively deal with change.

The book is based on 8 questions to unlock our creative potential. Half of the book is dedicated to personal creative potential and the other half is focussed on using the process in teams or organisations.

One of the key questions is "How am I focussing the power of my intent?". I have previously written about by desire to live with intent and some of the exercises I do to bring those intentions front of mind and action. As I travel this journey, I am becoming more and more aware that the times I am distracted from my intentional practices, life become more difficult.

Intent has a lot to do with what we think, to choose what we think about and how we think about it. The Way of Nowhere suggests that we can "attract our purpose to us by intervening in the content and nature of our thoughts ... To achieve this we need to let go of the mechanistic view of the world that is based on cause and effect. We need to recognise that the world is an infinite web of interconnectedness which can be chaotic and unpredictable. It is the power of out intent that enables us to traverse this infinite interconnectedness and bring order to chaos. It invites us to exert mindful control over our thoughts."

"Through the power of intentionality we can move from unconsciously co-creating with the universe to consciously co-creating with the universe. We can, for example, move from 'I will achieve my purpose when I get that new job' to 'I am achieving my purpose now, so what opportunities are arising to help me to call it forth even more'. To live with intent we stand in our magic in the now. We become conscious in the now. Instead of seeing ourselves as separate from the , we recognise that we are part of the outside world and it is a part of us. "We observe our emotional state and how that is influencing out thoughts and behaviour. We also awaken to the teaching that like brings us in dreams, intuitions and concidences ... We attract our future to us, embracing our own transformation at will and with skill."

"Intention creates opportunity, commitment enables us to capture it " It requires perseverance and trust.

As we travel this journey, situations will arise and our self-responsibility to live according to our intentions or to fulfil our commitments will waiver. Being aware that there is always a choice, understanding the patterns that can control us and trusting that we can take back control, then we are able to hold onto our intent with a firm resolve.

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Flying Solo Tip 054365 : Our thoughts and behaviours are the magnets that attract situations, and opportunities to our lives.

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power of triangles

Have you ever had a wound that starts to itch like crazy when it started to heal? Were you able to resist the temptation to scratch at the scab? Or did you scratch so much that you made the wound bleed again?

Today I was acutely reminded that healing is a journey not a destination.

Emotional healing is a cycle of expansion and contraction. With each cycle a greater depth of understanding and awareness can arise. There are points in the cycle though where you are feel pulled back, and issues you had let go in the past may resurface to provide you with an opportunity to learn a deeper wisdom. There are points in the cycle where you draw on that deeper wisdom to expand your awareness. In this stage you feel your life fill with an intensity of appreciation and in doing so deepen the connection with yourself and with others. Emotional healing flows like your breath - inhale, pause, exhale - If we get stuck in any part of the process, it feels uncomfortable.

As we commit to a journey of personal change not only does the relationship to ourself changes, but so do our rules of engagement with those around us. Some of those changes are welcomed by the people in our life. Some are not. This can create inner or external conflict as we navigate newly forged paths, that even in ourselves we may not be sure are the best paths to be forged, but it is the path that our healing journey has taken thus far.

In the psychological field of transactional analysis, there is a famous model called Karpman's Drama Triangle which provides an explanation to the roles that people play in conflicted relationships. Karpman's Drama Triangle is a wonderful insight into the complexity of social interaction, and that during conflict the role we play can consistently switch to a new position as expectations or needs are not met. If you have ever watched "Everyone Loves Raymond", you have certainly watched the dynamics of the Drama Triangle in full action as each of the characters cycle through the roles of persecutor, rescuer and victim. If we are unaware of the roles we play or the reason why we adopt certain roles in conflict, we can easily become engaged in the drama triangle. When we engage in the drama in our lives we are inviting pain and suffering into our lives, more often than not there are no happy endings in a drama. If we are dealing with an inner conflict, the voices in our head are more than likely playing out the different roles on the Karpman's Drama Triangle.

In 2009, David Emerald published a positive response to Karpman's Drama Triangle called The Empowerment Dynamic (TED). In this model, Emerald offers alternative roles to move out of the Drama Triangle and to engage in healthier relationships. It recommends that the "victim" adopt the alternative role of creator, view the persecutor as a challenger, and enlist a coach instead of a rescuer. The Creator is someone who is outcome-oriented as opposed to problem-oriented. The Challenger is a person or situation that forces the creator to clarify their needs, and focus on resolving "dynamic tension" (the difference between current reality and the envisioned goal or outcome) by taking incremental steps toward the outcomes they are trying to achieve. The Coach is a person who asks questions that are intended to help the individual to make informed choices. The key difference between a rescuer and a coach is that the coach sees the creator as capable of making choices and of solving their own problems. A coach asks questions that enable the creator to see the possibilities for positive action.

It is unlikely that we can create sustainable personal change if we attempt to create that change within triangles of drama be that in relationship with others or our relationship to ourselves. For healthy, sustainable change, The Empowerment Dynamic provides an insight into the roles that we as the creator of change need to perform and the best roles that need to surround us to support that change.

It is inevitable that with any change in our personal relationships there is this chain reaction. It is evidence that a change has taken place. The small rock that has fallen from its original resting place can potentially become the catalyst for an avalanche. This is why sometimes change can feel chaotic and out of control. In changing we have repositioned our world view, there is a period of unease while the affiliated effects of that change take the time that they take to catch up with the new status quo. If we want to create healthy change we need either completely disengage from the patterns of drama or to look to people in our lives to be our Challengers and our Coaches to support that growth.

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Flying Solo Tip 053365 : Healing is a journey not a destination.

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