memory lane

I found my old poetry books today. It was a little trip down memory lane. My original poetry book was titled "Butterflies 83". In amongst all the hand written pages, I even found a poem about a dragon and a butterfly, which I may share one day, but on reading it today it felt more prophetic than I care to want to know at this point in my life's journey.

This is one I wrote some thirty or more years ago, which I believe was inspired by a dream. I am not even sure if I have ever given this to anyone to read before. Perhaps but back then my poetry was a fairly secret affair, a time when I wrote from the heart but less confident in sharing the words that came from my heart and soul.

Prologue

In the memoirs of a silent dreamer,

memories are not always so quiet.

They may torment a soul for a long, long time

but that don't mean they don't make you cry.

Memoirs of a Silent Dreamer

Act I

Sometimes I wish the sun would pour magic silver and gold

and the Joker would play a happier tune

and not deceive us with his foolish ways.

Sometimes I wish the moon would shine

and hold her romantic notions to herself

to free her children from breaking hearts and shedding tears.

Sometimes I wish that the image in the mirror

that I believe I am in my heart

is the same I see in someone else's eyes;

instead of bursting open my brain

with the Piper's haunting melody of confusing disharmony and erotic pain.

Act II

Don't get lost in the battle of swords

flashing, dancing, fiery metal

with hilts sparkled with glaring eyes instead of sacred reverent jewels.

Diving and twisting, piercing in

and out slowly gushes a beating heart planted

at the end of a thirsty, gleaming stake.

Act III

This circus is in town

! Hip Hip Hooray!

The bloodshed on the streets

is washed away by sweaty dancing feet.

Trepidatiously clowns jostle, they are not really fools.

The clapping cymbals recall a booming band

With singing minstrels and cheering crowd.

Act IV

Grand entrance of flowing silk,

Brazen hair falling across half naked breasts.

Dare not to be fooled by the air and grace;

for a mind can be twisted and lost

in the hypnotic rolling of her eyes and swaying of hips

always searching for a surge of passion;

to love and eat her lovers

and then sated she spins a web

for her children to bear the tensions

in the fine architecture of a carefully planned life.

Act V

Lumbering clouds, heavy with rain

move quietly into a still quieter world.

Darkness stealthily creeps

Over a watching suspicious village.

The clowns no longer wear makeup, but stare at each other in fright.

The first teardrop falls.

A fool rushes from a sheltered door

to catch it in his trembling hand,

as though it were some precious gem for an ancient ritual.

He stares at himself within the crystal sphere.

Another falls, then another and another

until the clouds open up the skies with the clashing of cymbals and drums.

The fool

loses his gem as it slips through that unlucky palm of his.

All the others watch.

Afraid

Act VI

The images in my mind are a fatal reality;

of things that are (but are not really).

of paradises that seem so lovely and nice

but are really tangled jungles

for jealous monsters to hide.

Yes! Jealous monsters

Jealous that I can live in the light (not a true light)

but in the security that the sun can give.

But they, them jealous monsters

can only creep about at night

to enter my head, in dreams

and then, they can come alive.

Epilogue

With heavy eyes and drowsy body

I awake and barely recall

the feelings of a tormented soul;

cause sometimes the memoirs of a silent dreamer

can be so quiet

they can steal away so silently for another night.

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Flying Solo Tip 058365 : I sometimes wonder if the changes we make in life are only deviations closer to or further away from the essence of the person we truly are, and therefore at our deepest core we never ever really change.

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should I ...

quit? Never! according to Mike Gordon. I met Mike a few months ago to do his publicity shoot for his new book "Should I Quit? Resilience for a Turbulent World". Last night I had the pleasure of being at his book launch to support him and celebrate his success. His book is a Number 1 best seller on Amazon.

It is important to me to support my clients in whatever way I am able. I have a deep interest in my clients' success, business and or personal stories. I believe that the better I understand my clients, the better I am able to serve them. I believe in that serving them, I am giving myself opportunities to grow personally and as a business.

It was interesting today, as I was flicking through Mike's book to see a section dedicated to giving value. In those moments in life when I have personally struggled, like for any of us, my sense of my value and worth diminished. As a consequence I often found it difficult to negotiate a fair exchange of value in both personal and business relationships. In the past, I was willing to accept an unfair exchange to my detriment and would justify a whole host of internal reasons for why I should be OK with it. Like many of us that provide a creative service or product, I used to find it difficult to put monetary value on my work.

With my current circumstances, I have had cause to re-establish, clarify, re-frame and fine tune my inner values, and to bring those things that are truly important to me into all aspects of my life. I have previously written about the specific work I have done in recent times regarding money matters, which has been a very critical step for me to come to terms with what my work is worth but also as a statement about what I am worth. Today, I realised how far I have come on that front when I turned down a job opportunity because what was expected in the exchange was not in line with the value I place on my work. The client just didn't have the budget. When they asked if I could deliver just the unedited images to reduce the price, I was able to stand firm. I place a high personal value on delivering quality images - as they are my reputation, my business card so to speak. In the past, I would have acquiesced, accepted the extremely low payment but still delivered the same results as if they had been a client paying fair money for services rendered. In the past, I would have fretted about losing a customer. We parted on good terms, and one day in the future when they have the right kind of budget they are keen to work with me.

This is in contrast to an earlier conversation today with another about-to-be client. They had accepted my proposal for some work. Within minutes of talking to this client they were talking about how they want to create long term mutually beneficial relationship, as they succeed they want those that they collaborate with to also succeed and receive fair monetary payment for services rendered. This mirrors my approach to building customer relationships. My vested interest in my clients is not altruism. It is driven by a belief that if I am able to contribute to my clients' success then in exchange my business will grow and succeed. The exchange to achieve that is not always an exchange of money but it can be achieved through referrals, networking, or sharing of information and knowledge, What i have noticed is that the clearer I am on my value or worth, that I am attracting a different kind of clients. More and more, my client list is filled with clients whom I connect with at even deeper levels, with an alignment of either attitudes towards life, views about spiritually, or personal values. I appreciate this synchronicity. I am learning that in saying no and sometimes having to walk away, that the opportunities to say yes and to build relationships where you can comfortably negotiate a mutual and fair exchange of value quickly emerge to fill that gap.

Mike suggests that in order to get value from our lives there are a number of key factors :

To know what value means to us

To balance the cost of getting the value against the outcomes

To understand that everything's a negotiation

To accept that walking away isn't quitting

To navigate change with resilience and adaptability.

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Flying Solo Tip 057365 : In order to spread our wings, we have to understand what we value, why that is important to us and then learn how to negotiate a fair exchange that is aligned to our values.

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... B is for ...

book launch and B is also for beliefs.

Belief is the acceptance that something is true without needing evidence to prove its existence. We usually believe that things will happen as they have previously happened, because it is useful to do so. The formation of beliefs give us meaning to the world around us. The stronger our belief in something, the more likely that belief will colour our perceptions of the world. We filter the world, sensations, acquisition of knowledge according to our beliefs. We may not always act in accordance with our beliefs, but our reactions are certainly tempered by them.

A few days ago, I wrote about how our thoughts and behaviours manifest themselves into our lives. One of my followers asked me whether the reverse is true .. whether situations and opportunities attract our thoughts and behaviours? It is a bit of the chicken or egg argument. What I believe is that we see only what we see, we know only what we know or believe. The world around us, whether we believe it or not is neutral. Situations and experiences are at there essence neutral. People react differently to the same situation, or experience because of our unique beliefs and filters that disregard all other aspects of the situation or experience. It is impossible for us to be completely open to everything all of the time - we would simply go crazy with information overload.

However, as we develop awareness and become more conscious of those aspects of ourselves that influence our responses to our inner and external lives, our beliefs become broader, our tolerance to accept alternatives to our viewpoint broaden, our experiences become richer and we become more open to exploration and discovery rather than having to stand in our own righteousness of what we believe to be true.

Last night I had cause to reflect on this deeply. As part of that reflection I read some passages from Eckhart Tolle's book , The Power of Now. Tolle eloquently discusses the concept of choice. He writes "Choice implies consciousness - a high degree of consciousness. Without it you have no choice. Choice begins the moment you disidentify with the mind and its conditioned patterns, the moment you become present. Until you reach that point, you are unconscious, spiritually speaking. This means that you are compelled to think, fee and act in certain ways according to the conditioning of your mind ... The mind, conditioned as it is by the past, always seeks to re-create what it knows and what it is familiar with. Even if it is painful, at least it is familiar. The mind always adheres to the known. The unknown is dangerous because it has no control over it. That's why the mind dislikes and ignores the present moment. Present-moment awareness creates a gap not only in the stream of the mind but also in the past-future continuum. Nothing truly new and creative can come into this world except through that gap, that clear space of infinite possibility.

Nobody chooses dysfunction, conflict and pain. Nobody chooses insanity. This happens because there is not enough presence in you to dissolve the past, not enough light to dispel the darkness. You are not fully here. ... In the meantime, the conditioned mind is running your life.

... if you still harbour resentment about something, then you believe that they had a choice - that they could have acted differently. It always looks as if people had a choice, but that is an illusion. As long as your mind with its conditioned patterns runs your life, as long as you are your mind, what choice do you have? None. The mind-identified state is severely dysfunctional. It is a form of insanity. Almost everyone is suffering from this illness in varying degrees. The moment you realise this, there can be no more resentment. How can you resent someone's illness? The only appropriate response is compassion."

When we find moments to suspend our beliefs and to dissolve our filters, when we find moments to be fully present in the company of ourselves or others, it is possible to see that life brings us many gifts and opportunities to develop a sense of compassion. We can allow that feeling to cascade into all parts of our being, to share that energy with others, and to embed that sense into our relationships and into our experiences.

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Flying Solo Tip 056365 : When I suspend my beliefs for a moment, I see more than I saw before, I hear more than I heard before, I feel more than I felt before, I act with compassion, I discover appreciation.

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