At the risk of sounding like a boring person living an un-fun life, I cannot remember the last time I goofed off a planned day of work to spend the afternoon with a friend over a bottle of wine. With the onset of spring it was an absolutely gorgeous afternoon to sit in the sun shooting the breeze, and nurturing the bonds of friendship.
One of the things that concerned me during my corporate career was my networking skills. Having worked predominantly in male dominated industries or companies and in most cases I was the the first female to be hired by the organisation in a senior role, I often felt an outsider looking in. It became apparent to me that for the most part men network differently than women.
Men typically build networks on potential needs that is "Who do I know who has what I need right now" and then asking for it. Men seem to build alliances around power, money, status and favours. I have seen groups of men tolerate someone in their group not because they respect or value them as a person but because that person was attached to something that they may need in the future. I have sat in countless executive meetings where the majority of the time was a ritual of chest puffing, comparing yacht sizes or trying to outdo each other with their drinking adventures rather than applying their intelligence to organisational issues or the business at hand. I witnessed time and time again incompetent men being promoted or financially rewarded based on the value of their networking and political skills rather than on merit and performance.
I believe that one of the difficulties of being a woman in these kind of environments is that women typically are more interested in building mutual long term connections rather than transactional arrangements. In 2015 The Wall Street Journal published an article about the differences between male and female networks and networking skills. There are also some other invisible social constructs that are at play. Professional success for women is dependent on "documentable and measurable competence" or basically, a proven track record. For men, it seems opportunities became available not on what they know but who they know ... it is a way of keeping everything in the boys club. Time and time again, I experienced this different set of rules compared to my male counterparts. But to be fair to the guys there was even another socially conditioned risk. When two senior male executives go out to lunch for hours on end or go for a game of golf during office hours, it is perceived as "doing business", however if a female and male executive go out the lunch the rumour mill has already started churning before they have left the building and that can be potentially damaging to both. I too have experienced those situations. Sadly it is one of those invisible barriers to building a network as a woman.
As much as I have been working on my networking skills this year and trying to broaden the number and diversity of people in my circle of business and personal contacts, I am still more interested in building connections and deeper friendships than just having a lot of people that I know because they have something or know someone that I need to fast track my business.
Flying Solo Tip 068365 : From time to time it is OK to let go of the reigns of responsibility for a little while.