Today I read on a friend's facebook her dismay at having tried on an old swimsuit to find it longer fitted and consoled herself by sitting down to a block of chocolate. We all do it. We have the intention to achieve, to do, to think different, or to break a habit; and at the first hurdle are so discouraged we reinforce the antithesis of our intentions.
In the past weeks, I have eluded to setting intentions. One of my guiding life principles is to live with intent. For me, living with intent is to bring awareness and consciousness to what I do, how I think, feel and behave. For me, an intention is to deliberately act with consciousness. When I looked up the "official definition" of intention today, I learned that in medicine an intention is the healing process of a wound, a manner of healing.
Like my chocolate swimsuit friend, I too lapse in my intended practices. The key is when we lapse is not to stress about the fact that we have lapsed, but as in meditation when stray thoughts enter one's mind, it is to be aware of the thought, allow it to flow rather than hold onto the thought and gently bring ourselves back to our breath.
Habits and addictions are difficult to break. Habits for the most part are unconscious acts - we reach and devour that chocolate bar even before our mind has processed our desire to change. Empirical evidence suggests that it takes up to 21 days to break a habit. Habits are easier to make than they are to break and this has to do with connecting neural pathways in our brain. The brain at it's best performance is lazy, and will use the tried and tested neural pathways and without intent will not form new or different pathways. Relapse into old patterns of behaviour, thinking or feeling are integral to the change process. With each relapse you can actually learn something about yourself that (if noted) can be used to reinforce the changes more succinctly the next time round. It is suggested that long lasting change is most likely when it is self motivated and based in positive thinking. In 2006, the British Economic and Social Research Council through analysis of almost 130 different studies found that the least effective strategies for changer were those based on fear or regret in the person attempting to make the change.
Earlier this year, I was desperately searching for ways to come out of a very low point in my life. When you are clinically depressed and on the verge of a complete mental, physical and emotional breakdown it is extremely difficult to motivate yourself to change. One of the practices I did was to set a daily intention, by doing a meditation and writing the intention down. Throughout the day, I read that intention regularly. Another intention setting exercise I did was around reclamation of self. I have a special intention card on my bathroom mirror. Out of all the rooms in a house, the bathroom is probably the room most centred around routine and habit. Generally, it is not the room we can avoid.
There are four intentions written on that card.
"I am now being well". For regular readers you will know the origins of that phrase.
"I honour my power when I brush my teeth". I had read somewhere at that time that metaphysically, care for our oral health represents taking in of new ideas and nourishment. The mouth is the entry point for the fuel our bodies need to function. Brushing teeth is also a habit - an unconscious and routine act. By linking this statement to an already exisiting positive habit, I felt that perhaps I could accelerate the changes in my thinking, feeling and behaving to reclaim my sense of personal power. Also by setting this intention, and saying that statement in my mind repetitively for as long as I brushed my teeth, I was bringing awareness and deliberate action to a previously unconscious activity. As the weeks past, there were times when I just wanted to go an brush my teeth when I was beginning to doubt my sense of personal power, or felt lack of confidence.
"I rejuvenate my spirit when I take my Vitamin D". I have gone through stages with managing my MS that I have cared for myself by taking Vitamin D supplements. There is some medical research which suggests that by elevating Vitamin D levels, those with MS may be able to alleviate some of the symptoms of the disease. In the past, I have gone through cycles of dedicated practice and complete abstinence. In writing this intent, I felt that if I could link taking Vitamin D (an activity that I want to do more consistently) to a more "noble cause" that I knew I strongly desired rather than just disease management, perhaps my motivation to perform this activity more regularly would improve.
"I appreciate my beauty when I moisturise my face". One of the most significant changes that happens when in a state of depression is the way in which we see ourselves and our world. When our self esteem is low, so is the appreciation for our physical appearance. For various reasons, not related to this post, there have been years in my life that I completely avoided looking at myself in a mirror. In many respects this last intention was the most lofty. Firstly, my self talk related to appreciating my beauty was extremely vulnerable. Secondly, moisturising my face was not a routine activity.
From my experience these past months, I have found that by linking thinking to easy to do or routine behaviours has really helped me to change how I view myself. By linking different ways of thinking to healthy and positive actions I have found that I am more committed to the thinking but also to the behaviours. By linking the actions to a "higher cause", I have found my ability to sustain the change a lot easier and longer before I relapse into less than desirable thinking or behaviours. The longer I am able to sustain the change, the greater chance I am giving myself to successfully rewire and hard wire those neural pathways in my brain to self care and self love.
Now ... here is the irony of today's post. The picture today was completely unintentional. I had planned to take a different image, but during my product shoot this afternoon, I could not resist taking this image. In a way this reinforces the notion that when undergoing personal change, as much as discipline and conscious action is required, we also have to remain open and flexible to whatever life serves us.
Flying Solo Tip 041365 : Link positive habits to conscious intentions to accelerate personal change.