There are matters of the heart, then there are money matters. It is said that our wealth psychology, our attitudes to money are cemented early in life. Those attitudes will colour the way in which we view money and the acquisition of wealth for a life time, There seems to be two camps in relation to money - those who have it and those who do not.
I grew up in an environment where there was very little money to go round, yet in spite of that my parents would scrape together the pennies so that I could go to dance, art and music classes. Although it was never discussed, I believe they wished for me a better future, free of the struggles that financial burdens can bring.
My earliest memory about money goes back to when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It was almost the start of a new school year and my uncle came to visit. When we has leaving he handed me an envelope and said, "Give this to your mother after I have gone, it is help out with your school books this year." On that day I realised how poor we actually were; and I was afraid because school was my haven and devastated about what would happen if mum and dad couldn't afford for me to go to school. At a deeper level, there was a sense of shame. It was around that time, that as a family we would go fruit, onion or potato picking and any money that my brother and I earned went into an account to finance our later schooling years. My parents had allocated a cow to both my brother and I. When the offspring of those cattle were sold that money went to our schooling. I took on my first part time job at 15, and have worked hard ever since funding my life. I had taken on an attitude that you had to work hard to get through life; and that money was simply a practicality of life. I had a very warped value around money - I did not value its worth as I knew what it was like to grow up without it and survived.
When I started to earn good amounts of money, I felt guilty when I spent it on personal pleasures. I felt far more comfortable in giving my money away to others whose needs I perceived to be greater than my own. It was a spirit of generosity fuelled by guilt and founded on shame. I placed a low value on money - what I had was because I had worked hard for it, and I gave it away because if felt that I was not deserving of the luxuries and pleasures that it could bring. I would find immense joy in seeing someone else enjoy luxuries and pleasures that my money afforded them. Personally, I would feel uncomfortable being around symbols of wealth and luxury. To counterbalance those feelings, I assumed a sense of pride that I was not driven or motivated by financial reward. At the time when I was given the best wealth opportunity, I walked away. In more recent times, I have had to learn some very harsh lessons with respect to money. More than ever before it has been a time to reassess my relationship with money.
When you run a small business, and particularly as a freelancer, cash flow is unpredictable. Yet the success or failure of business significantly depends on a predictable transaction of money. When choosing to fly solo, you also choose to a large extent, remove safety nets and certainty and security. There is no fall back position - you risk it all and place all bets on yourself. There is a level of confidence required to do that, but to do that in a vacuum of healthy values around money, from very personal experience, is fraught with danger or at the least, financial ruin.
A couple of months ago, I engaged in a daily ritual for 30 days to reframe my relationship with money. It was a great exercise of setting a daily consistent intention throughout the day and sharing that intention with another. There is nothing like having someone else to hold you to account to move your intentions to actions. The interesting thing about this process, is the way your internal dialogue does start to change. Interestingly when doing the process many opportunities cross your path to "test" out and cement those inner changes. There is a sense of satisfaction when you realise that your immediate reactions to a particular kind of situation are beginning to change - sometimes in small measures, sometimes in more substantial ways.
It is possible to change our inner dialogue, and alter our psychology. It does require awareness of the connections between our feelings, attitudes, impulsive reactions and conscious behaviours. It does require a commitment to stop ourselves in the moment, to pause and experiment with a slightly different way of doing things. This approach applies to matters of the heart and money matters.
Flying Solo 012365 : Give credit to the inner dialogue. It is more powerful to change the inner dialogue and act upon the world, than it is to react and then seek for inner justifications.