It has been almost a month since I last updated this blog. Sometimes it is tough flying solo and finding the time to do all the things that you set out to do. Initially I just was really busy on the work front, and then I simply lost the practice of writing each day. At a another level, for various reasons, I needed to hibernate for a while.
It is rare to see a dragon in flight; but if we are so lucky they are magnificent creatures, powerful and graceful as they traverse the heavens. Occasionally we may see dragons in the clouds, and our imaginations are inspired by myth and legend. It is more common though to find dragons in the dark places, hidden deep inside of caves protecting treasures or tethered by chains in damp dank dungeons. The latter are the most pitiful and pathetic creatures, because in dark places, dragons dream of flight and despite their legendary ferocity pale to insignificance when fettered. Depending on the culture, dragons are either slaughtered for their reptilian natures or revered for their ancient wisdom and power. When we come face to face with our own inner dragon, we either fear and be repulsed by the power we face; or we can embrace that power to harness a strength and determination to make anything possible.
Unlike dragons, butterflies are seen as such dainty creatures of spiritual beauty. It is rare to see butterflies in dark places and dungeons, but very common to see them on bright sunny days. Despite their delicate appearance, butterflies are symbolic of transformation and spend their short life with purposeful intent.
For most of my life I have had a strong association with the symbolism of dragons and butterflies. Today, my business has the logo of a dragon with butterfly wings; although the name of the business comes from much more than my personal long term fascination with these two magical creatures. It was a few months ago that I found my book of long lost poems, written 25 - 30 years ago and amongst those words, I found a poem I had written about a dragon that became a butterfly.
Defiance
and the dragon lies on the bed
waiting and wanting to enter her
his blood lust fangs gnashing at her throne
wanting to devour the jewel to her kingdom
and like a chameleon he changes
colour and form in the moonlight
he's a charlatan that can work magic
into her heart
and despite resistance
she falls for his magic and powers
one moment, he's the lost prince
the princess is searching for
he can offer without making a deal
he can challenge her with sexual innuendo
adept at championing causes with charm
but filled with broken promise
in an instant he takes upon his wings and flies
with courage and heavy heart
she slaughters the butterfly ...
... temptation remains ...
In circumstances that I will keep private, today I was held to account and a mirror was placed before me. All the inner work I felt that I have done these past months came crashing down around me. All that I thought I had dealt with and reconciled had not been dealt with properly at all. My ability to trust in my own thinking, feeling and intuitions was completely shattered. I feel like a crushed butterfly and a dragon fettered; but also like the charlatan who has been championing causes filled with broken promises.
Today I am a broken woman who is not sure about what to hold true for myself, or how to move forward; the strength of the dragon has deserted me and the butterfly's intuitive guidance has forsaken me. I had hoped that today may have been a fresh start, a new beginning; a day that I could look back upon and feel that my past was reconciled and a different future was possible. That was not to be the case; and I can only appreciate the events that unfolded over these past days for shedding light on how I had misguided myself all these months; and that for now, I must "shut up shop" (figuratively speaking) and return to the drawing board.
There are days, flying solo is really, really tough.
Flying Solo Tip 099365 : Some days are tough.